tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post2831608030086080310..comments2024-01-05T15:42:46.899-05:00Comments on Katie O'Sullivan ~ Read, Write, Repeat: Query-Go-RoundKatie O'Sullivanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17295418503546522882noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post-31164913614064229662011-05-15T07:46:35.869-04:002011-05-15T07:46:35.869-04:00Ooh, wishing you fantastic luck with the query-go-...Ooh, wishing you fantastic luck with the query-go-round! A couple of months and I'll be there with you :)<br /><br />I like Mooderino's idea, though I'd avoid starting the query with a question (one of the big no-nos). Must say, I think the last sentence of your first para would make a great opening hook if you switched it around!<br /><br />Hugs,<br /><br /><a href="http://rachaelharrie.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Rach</a>Rachael Harriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16764930101064527321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post-73180767191749304332011-05-12T13:59:06.795-04:002011-05-12T13:59:06.795-04:00I agree with Carol, this has a great hook, and I&#...I agree with Carol, this has a great hook, and I'm very intrigued by the premise. Best of luck with the next stage!!Julie Flandershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05003737491313673214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post-44361509027211536342011-05-12T11:58:21.217-04:002011-05-12T11:58:21.217-04:00Great hook in this. Nice and succinct, too. My onl...Great hook in this. Nice and succinct, too. My only (minor) concern is the switch in POV at the end. Unless there's a switch in the book, I think you could easily reword it to be from the mc's POV and still have the same kick. As is though, I don't think it's a deal breaker.<br /><br />Good luck with your queries! Deep breath!Carolina M. Valdez Schneiderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11589934533051907801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post-17851920544835709262011-05-12T11:39:34.655-04:002011-05-12T11:39:34.655-04:00Love the suggestion too. The only other thing I se...Love the suggestion too. The only other thing I see is the shift in POV to the antagonist, which isn't necessarily bad (it's actually well done) but I would expect the book to shift POVs too. Then again, querying is not my forte, so take it with a grain of salt. Yes I know. I have an agent. The irony does not escape me.Lisa Gail Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03648323153868702165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post-88177583988402442432011-05-12T08:15:44.274-04:002011-05-12T08:15:44.274-04:00Yes definitely go with Mooderino's advice beca...Yes definitely go with Mooderino's advice because the opening is so important to "hook". It sounds a wonderful tale - I'd buy it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09186491465911432817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post-38297012468373904802011-05-11T22:24:46.770-04:002011-05-11T22:24:46.770-04:00I like Moody's suggestion. Othrwise, this soun...I like Moody's suggestion. Othrwise, this sounds really good. I'm getting ready to take the ride as well. Good luck!Sylvia Neyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09700149683391617521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post-48833893247715764032011-05-11T14:40:44.200-04:002011-05-11T14:40:44.200-04:00I kind of like the way that Moody went with it, to...I kind of like the way that Moody went with it, too. But I do enjoy the premise of your story. I love when fantasy creatures are intertwined with humans. I will say, though, that it kind of reminds me of the Disney movie, "The Thirteenth Year" with a little action in it. Have you seen it? If not, look it up :)<br />AvaAuto Title Loanshttp://www.1800cartitleloan.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post-72539782952606832792011-05-11T09:40:54.351-04:002011-05-11T09:40:54.351-04:00Ooh, thanks Moody - That is kind of nice!Ooh, thanks Moody - That is kind of nice!Katie O'Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17295418503546522882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post-26016081816403448442011-05-11T08:41:11.198-04:002011-05-11T08:41:11.198-04:00I agree with mooderino....gives the potential read...I agree with mooderino....gives the potential reader quicker insight into story line.Vicki and Chrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08895161544795889872noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post-31666735207788761242011-05-11T08:12:24.215-04:002011-05-11T08:12:24.215-04:00Good luck with the next stage. I stalled due to il...Good luck with the next stage. I stalled due to ill health, but will get there someday. :O)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6831433709810155834.post-6941654110581159282011-05-11T08:06:50.568-04:002011-05-11T08:06:50.568-04:00Just as a suggestion, I would start like this:
Ho...Just as a suggestion, I would start like this:<br /><br />How can an Oklahoma farmboy be destined to save the undersea kingdoms from war, when he doesn't even know how to swim?<br /><br />At fifteen, Sean...<br /><br />I just though the irony of the statement made for a nice opening.mooderinohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01523337588830695638noreply@blogger.com