Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Writing Wednesday: an Excerpt from DROWNING, by Rachel Firasek

Sometimes one of the most important things you can do as a writer is read. Read books by other people, I mean. Classics, bestsellers, new authors, book candy - you need to read lots of different things, and you also need to read in the genres you want to write in. It helps make you a better writer. (And it's fun.)

It's also good to review other people's work - being able to sit back after finishing a book and figure out why you liked or didn't like it helps you understand your own writing process better. You might not be able to see the plot holes in your current story, but they'll be glaring in that novel you didn't like. Learning to write good POV and sparkling dialogue are important, and reading examples of both good and bad is critical to your own writing journey.

Yesterday I posted my review of DROWNING. Today for your reading pleasure (and just to tease you) I have a special treat - an "official" (author sanctioned) excerpt from the book!

I loved the way the author did the alternating POV thing in this novel, and she's careful to keep them separate. Seth never knows what Alice is thinking or about her past until it's revealed in the story. Alice doesn't understand Seth until he opens up to her.

This is a fairly long excerpt, and told in the POV of Alice. I also enjoyed the crackle of dialogue between the characters, as there aren't a lot of extraneous words or explanations.

See what you think...

 Excerpt from DROWNING, copyright Rachel Firasek

In the hall, arms laden with musical equipment, four large and totally hot guys fill the space—Seth James leading the pack. He stops, drops the cymbal dangling from an index finger, and stares. His too bright gaze travels down my scantily, and very sweaty, clad body and back up. When our eyes meet, he grins. “Come to help?”

“No.” I have no idea what makes me do it, but I snatch his cymbal off the floor and carry it into his apartment. I’m asking for trouble, but can’t seem to stop myself. They follow me inside, jaws still slack. Okay, so I’m cute, but not worthy of jaws dropping. I plop it down on his couch and rush back to the door. Taking on Seth doesn’t scare me, but a crew of hotties is a little much.

His strong fingers wrap around my shoulder before I make it through the walkway. It’s not controlling or holding me back. His hand is simply resting on me. “Hey, thanks. I’m sorry if we…uh…interrupted your day.”

His words sound sincere and slightly slurred, and I can’t find it in my heart to be bitchy to the first guy in a long time that has only shown me kindness. I sigh and pivot to face him. “It’s not me I’m worried about. My sister is asleep.”

He glances at his watch and frowns.

“She’s recovering from an accident. So, if you don’t mind, keep it down in the halls.”
He leans forward. “Will do and I’m sorry.”

When he enters my personal space, my heart speeds up. His eyes stare into mine. I feel this incredible connection, like he knows my pain. Like he can see my guilt.

The distance between us seems to be shrinking, and I’m not sure if it’s me shuffling closer or him.

He snags the zipper on my jacket and runs it up and down. “Is she going to be okay?”

I pluck at a button on his shirt and glance up. “Eventually.”

His friends form a half-moon circle around him and gape at me. I flick a glance at each of them. They all have a very different style of dress, which only raises more questions about the man in front of me. 

“Am I the first girl they’ve ever seen?”

Blondie, with the coal lined eyes, on the left snickers. “In Seth’s apartment? Hell, yes.”

Seth elbows him, but grins.

The tall guy in a kind of hot-nerd ensemble leans over and shakes my hand. “Deacon. Would you like a beer?”

I eye the leering men again. “It looks like you started without me, and I’m not into gang-bangs.” I disengage the overlong hand play with the nerd and back away from the group. “G., I’ll catch you later.”

“Hey, wait. I’ll walk you back over.”

The hotties chuckle, high-five, and rib Seth as we walk toward the hall. He shuts the door to their gazes and catches my hand before I can cross back to my apartment. “Hey, are you going to tell me your name?”

“Nah, this is more fun.”


“I think you’re used to having your way.”

He smiles. “Maybe.” He leans against his door and crosses his arms. His smile slips into a smug grin I’d seen on so many rich boys in this city. He thinks he has me. “I’d like to have my way with you.”

He’s quite the talker when he’s sauced. Good to know. It’s nice to see his thoughts. “That’s the beer talking.” I step close, arch up on tip-toe, and tap a finger to his slightly parted lips. “A few hours ago, you didn’t have much to say. I’m okay with keeping this awkward tension between us. It’s all we’ll ever have.”

He scowls at that and twists the knob back to his apartment. “Whatever.”

Mission accomplished. I’d succeeded in pissing him off. If he stayed mad at me, then we could squash this weird attraction that we obviously both feel.

I grin. “Bye, G.”

His brows dip low, and I shove the door behind me, sagging against it. My breath swooshes out from between my clenched teeth. Damn, he is going to be trouble. I feel it all the way to my pinky toe.

A soft knock against my back drives home the point. I twirl and open the door before he disturbs Molly—or maybe because I’m not ready to share him with her yet. “What?”

He tucks a hand into the waistband of my shorts and hauls me into the hall, pulling my door shut behind me. “Where did you get that?” His gaze lingers on the small bump decorating my forehead.

I reach up and touch the sore knot. “Oh, I fell.”

“How?” He raises his free hand and traces the swelling.

I don’t even feel the careful prodding. No, my concentration is solely focused on the fingers tucked inside my shorts and only inches away from becoming way too familiar with me. “Um…I was doing yoga when you guys came down the hall.”

“And?” He tugs me closer. His thumb rakes a small path below my belly button.

Oh my. “Uh…I fell out of…of…my pose and banged my head on the floor.”

His eyes darken and those beautiful lips part. I want to snake my tongue across the bottom one to find out if it is as soft as it looks.

He winces and lowers his eyes to mine. “So this is my fault?”

I grab onto his wandering hand and pull it free of my shorts. If I didn’t, I’d be asking him for a wall orgasm in less than two minutes and random teasing and fleeing was a no go for me now. “No. It was an accident. Lighten up, G.”

“I don’t want to cause you pain.”

Wow, that feels like a loaded proclamation. “Okay. Well, keep the noise down, and we should be good.”

He drops the hand that had been rubbing away my bruise. Funny, I’d totally forgotten it. “I don’t want to cause you pain. It’s a personal thing.” A deep shudder races over him, and for some reason, I don’t think he is with me anymore.

“You didn’t. I’m fine.” I lift a hand and cup the side of his face, bringing his gaze to mine. It is the gentlest moment I’ve ever had with a man, and we’ve just met. “I’m not sure what this is, but I think I should go inside.”

He glances down the corridor, takes a deep breath, and nods. “Yes, you should.”

“Go play with your friends. Be men or whatever that means, and I’ll go back to my yoga.” I was going to need it after this.

He groans and drops his head back, his hint of an Adam’s Apple bobbing down the column of his neck, begging for my tongue to taste him there. “Did you have to bring that back to mind?”

I grin. “What? Me all hot and sweaty in contorted positions? Do you like that?”

He groans, and one side of his mouth slants up. “I have things to do and don’t need no-named neighbors distracting me.”
 * * *


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